If this ever happens to me

Posted: November 5, 2009 in Uncategorized

Dear Family and Friends,

Death is not a pleasant thing to discuss. However, after revisiting an old story, I decided it would be best to lay the appropriate foundation, should I ever kick the bucket. Now, I know what you’re thinking–how could I tell my family what to do with me in the event of my death through my blog? Well, I’m not exactly going to discuss that, but something quite similiar.

Family, if I am ever mauled by a chimpanzee, and have my lips and eyelids and nose and hands ripped off by a primate, just let me die. Never mind the fact that I would then have to live with those injuries, but considering how much I love monkeys (and their cousins), and how much I love to fantasize about being a monkey, flinging poop at my enemies (and friends), it would be a shame to live the rest of my life fearing them. Let us call this a DNR, except the DNR only really applies to some sort of primate attack.

Oh, and something else you can do for me. If I am ever attacked by a chimp or some other primate, I would like you to kill said primate and cremate him with me and keep him in the same colored sand container that I’m in. I believe in forgiveness and what better way to say “I forgive you, Mr. Monkey” than to spend eternity mixed together in a clear glass container on someone’s mantle.

Please and thank you.

You don’t know if chimps are going to kiss you or kill you.
–Tim Burton



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