MY 25 Things (The Answers)

Posted: March 12, 2009 in Uncategorized

Thank you to everyone for playing. Unfortunately, nobody was able to guess the 11 true statements out of the 25, therefore nobody gets a cookie. It’s sad really; they are delicious cookies. Anyway, just so you know, here are my comments on my “things”:

  • I was born into a family of Gypsies and spent most of my youth traveling from city to city. By age seven I had learned how to pick-pocket and had already lost my virginity. Nobody guessed this as being true. I actually gleaned it from an episode of Criminal Minds.
  • I am able to write with both my left and right hands. False. My left hand just sits there and does nothing. Slacker.
  • The first CD I ever owned was Warrant’s “Cherry Pie.” True. This CD was purchased for me by my parents when I was ill. I had a little boombox with the flip up CD player. It was pretty tits. And, for the record, the only song I liked on this CD was “Uncle Tom’s Cabin.”
  • I am a sci-fi geek and can fluently speak Klingon. False. While I am a slight sci-fi geek (mainly Star Wars and the Star Trek movies), I can’t speak any foreign language. It’s like playing an musical instrument, I just can’t do it, Scotty. False.
  • My father’s name is Biff. True. Sort of a trick question though. While my father goes by ‘Biff,’ and has since a very young age, his real name is Bryan.
  • When I was in high school, I was voted “Most likely to commit suicide by age 25.” I am proud to say that, since I am in my 30s, that prophecy was unfulfilled. Now where is that razor again… False. Sadly enough, several people thought this was true. I don’t seem that antisocial, do I? Also, what high school anywhere at anytime would allow this to be something student vote on? Really people, use your gray matter.
  • I have a rare genetic “defect” that gives me the ability stare without blinking for about three hours consecutively. False. But that would be freakin’ cool. Very Clockwork Orangey.
  • My favorite cartoon growing up was “My Little Pony.” False. Again, several people thought this was true. C’mon!
  • In college, I wrote a thesis statement on what effect copious amounts of sex, as is in the case of porn stars, has on the vagina. False. Just false.
  • I often drink about a full pot of coffee all day, throughout the day. And yet, I have never had kidney problems. True. And I do not have kidney problems….yet.
  • My favorite singer is Celine Dion. False. I threw up all over my keyboard when I wrote this.
  • I secretly love to chew tobacco. True. But, again, sort of a trick question. If you know me well enough, you know it is not a secret that I love to throw some tobaccy in my mouth during sporting season.
  • Because I was supposed to be a girl, my middle name is Bernice. My parents never changed it. False. My parents are very nice people and would never subject one of their children to such torture.
  • When I die I want to be creamated and my ashes mixed in with that colored sand in one of those fancy vases. I would then like the container passed down through my family so that I may haunt them for eternity. True. Take note family members.
  • I hate all forms of cheese. False, false, FALSE! Cheese is delicioso! Except for goat cheese, that’s just nasty.
  • I used to have a pet cockroach named “Tim,” but then my cat ate him. There are two things wrong with this. First of all, cockroaches make me gag. Second, cats, in my mind, are only good for the punting. Using our Nancy Drew skills here, we can then deduce that I would never own a cockroach voluntarily, nor would I ever own a cat voluntarily.
  • I am able to type faster than I talk. False. Unless you have a speech impediment, I do not think this is possible.
  • I am terrified of ladders. True. My toes curl because I just know I am going to fall of it and become a parallelogram as karmatic payback.
  • Once, in my early 20s, I was sprayed by a skunk that I tried to help on the side of the road. False. I have a little common sense.
  • The only habit I have ever given up for good is chewing my nails. True. I think it is a worse habit than smoking. Nobody wants to touch the hand that has been jackin’ around in your filthy fucking mouth.
  • I used to watch soap operas religiously as a child. True. Days of Our Lives and Santa Barbara baby!
  • I have a tattoo of an 8-ball on my back. False. Gay.
  • I love black licorice. True. I love black licorice but I don’t like black licorice flavored products, such as Zambuca. That, my friends, is black licorice overload.
  • I collect Barbie Dolls and I have a room full of them still in their boxes. False. Creepola.
  • The most notable “Good Samaritan” thing I ever did was this: A girl I was dating had a debilitating fear of worms; any worm. One time when we were in a back yard a catepillar/bag worm had slunk down from the tree we were under and ended up in her hair. I pulled the worm out and disposed of it before she could notice. True story. Happened about six years ago and I am still proud of myself.

And bonus the bonus cookie question:

What is my biggest pet peave?
A. People who ask if they can ask me a question
B. Interrupters
C. Sentence finishers
D. Slow drivers
These are all pet peaves of mine, but the correct answer is C, sentence finishers. You aren’t psychic. You can’t predict what I am going to say. Stop trying to finish my sentences or I am going to shove a sock in your mouth and run around your head with duct tape.


She’s my cherry pie. Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise.
–Warrant

jbr

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