25 Things

Posted: March 2, 2009 in Uncategorized

As everyone knows, I am not a Facebooker. I need not get into why I avoid such things, it is just my preference. Apparently, there is this Facebook thing going around where people list 25 things about themselves, or something to that effect. Sounds good in concept. It’s even better when you leave the door open to make fun of the person.

A coworker sent me the list below that was written by another coworker that we have an equal disdain for. I took it upon myself to add some retorts to her pretentiousness. Enjoy.

  1. I firmly believe that hunting can not be considered a sport unless the animals are given guns too and allowed to play some defense. Animals don’t have opposable thumbs, idiot.
  2. My college thesis was on Intellectual property rights in the digital space – this was before Limewire, iTunes, etc. Right, and I have a big black cock.
  3. I never leave the house without a book in my purse. Address book doesn’t count.
  4. Sometimes I try to be an amateur sommelier, but I’m not a wine snob. I’ll really drink about anything made with fermented grapes like a true wino; but I can tell the difference. Let’s see how you feel about wine out of a jug. Ernest & Julio Gallo in a styrofoam cup anyone?
  5. I graduated summa cum laude from the University of Nebraska – Lincoln in three and half years, with a major in Advertising and minors in communication studies, English and military history. Ha. She said cum. I’d like to see those transcripts. And just because you took a military history class, doesn’t mean you minored in it.
  6. I call my mom everyday on my way home from work. Send her our apologies.
  7. When I lived in DC, I worked for CBS News Washington Bureau, where I worked in the Capitol with Bob Schieffer and was able to cover the Bush/Gore election and write stories and collect soundbites from politicians to musicians (even Metallica). And you are a lower level employee here because…?
  8. I will not tolerate incorrect grammar. Ain’t dat the troof girl.
  9. My dream job is to do marketing and special events coordination at a winery in Northern California. My dream job is to wrap the heads of braggers in duct tape.
  10. When I was in college, I had a gig as a Barbie (as in the doll), but before you judge, I got paid $50 an hour. I did have to talk in the first person and say stuff like “I cost $26”, though. I still have a fascination with Barbie – she keeps breaking the glass ceiling and has become everything from a paleontologist to an astronaut. She ran for President in 1992 and 2000 (see item 7: she should have won). Hence your dyed blonde hair I assume.
  11. I was born in San Francisco but grew up in a cute town called Friend, Nebraska. Hippy and a farmer. That explains it.
  12. Cooking is one of my favorite activities, but I can never follow a recipe to the letter. I always have to make my own modifications to it. Look at Martha Stewart go.
  13. I was a graphic designer for several years and still occasionally do graphic design and print layout work on a freelance basis. Anybody can use PhotoShop and Publisher.
  14. My first job out of college was for the Smart Computing and Computer Power User family of magazines. My first job out of college was male escort. Beat that shit.
  15. I can type 85 words per minute…no joke. Sounds like you are building quite a resume for a career in the Administrative Assistant field.
  16. Every plant I’ve ever tried to grow I end up killing. I’ve killed house plants, basil and other herbs ,and most recently a thriving orchid. Not buying my pot from you.
  17. I bat left-handed but write right-handed. You+bat=me running away
  18. Until this past year I had never been scuba diving or skiing, and now I can hardly fathom life without these activities. I wonder if I would feel the same about golf if I would just give it a chance. Barf
  19. I still hold cross country records at my high school. O-face, and now I need a new pair of shorts
  20. I hate hugs. I hate cake. But I do love birthdays. So basically you just like presents?
  21. I spend months out of the year the wrong temperature with my hair a mess and windblown, but I simply care not. Yes, I drive a convertible. What was that you were saying about grammar, Yoda?
  22. I have never mowed a yard in my entire life. I have no plans to break that streak. Lazy.
  23. No one has ever accused me of being a morning person. Nobody cares
  24. I love everything about Kansas City from the season changes to the entertainment and lifestyle, to the people and the low cost of living. It’s just metropolitan enough to have everything without the inconveniences of a huge city. Interestingly enough, both my husband and I have professions that enable us to impact the tourism and commerce brought to Kansas City. Kansas City does not need your ass kissing.
  25. My pug Molly is my whole life. This is how animals get killed by angry spouses.

He who is humble is confident and wise. He who brags is insecure and lacking.
–Lisa Edmonson

jbr


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