Read this, then come back:
Somebody’s parents failed him as a child. I reckon that the discussion relating to the birds and bees may have been missed during this dude’s upbringing. However, even if this lesson was omitted, or even just ignored, there are other lessons in life that he must have missed.
Lesson #1-Women do not have plastic in their vagina nor in their mouths. Therefore, using a vacuum cleaner to simulate the sexual experience seems a bit off-base.
Lesson #2-It’s called a “blow” job. While this can be slightly misleading as there is some sucking going on, I have never experienced industrial strength sucking. I enjoy having skin on my penis, so I think I might skip the vacuum cleaner.
Lesson #3-People can see you. You know, if one wants to experiment with a vacuum cleaner in one’s own home, then that is one’s own business. Besides my recommendation of a good lubricant (in this case, Crisco), I also recommend discretion. This is not, nor will it ever be, socially acceptable behavior.
Lesson #4-Get a hooker. There are ladies that you can pay for an actual sex act, and not just a simulated one. And, being that you are in Michigan, my guess is you could find one for about the same amount of money as that car wash vacuum cleaner.
Poor guy. I, in some way, feel sorry for him. On the other hand, I can’t help but think that he’s missing a few quarters in that roll and that makes me laugh (and gives me fodder of course). My only hope through all of this is that he was at least circumsized. Foreskin anyone?
Find your penis! Find your penis for a dollar! Find your penis!