Lesson Learned

Posted: February 17, 2009 in Uncategorized

I know, three in one day might be a little much, but after what just happened to me, I couldn’t let it pass.

I don’t often drop a load at work. I prefer the private and quiet confines of home whilst loaf pinching. However, today, I felt compelled to drop the Cosbys off at the pool at work. I call this event an “emergency poopendectomy,” or EP for short.

The EP procedure went fine and as expected. Upon finishing up the procedure, I pulled my trousers back up and left the stall. About two steps out of the stall, I got a sensation of wetness on my tushy. I didn’t think anything of it originally because, well, it was a helping of soft serve and sometimes there is splashing involved. After a few more steps, I realized something was amiss. I reached back around and touched my jeans. They were a little moist. Uh-oh, I thought and proceeded quickly to the mirror.

Upon inspection in the mirror, I realized that not only were my jeans moist, they were SOAKED! Through the jeans and to the boxers. From my tailbone and over my cheeks. So soaked in fact that most people might think that I forgot my “Oops, I crapped my pants!” undies today and had to go do some cleaning of the now soiled jeans.

I walked back over to the stall and saw that the floor was covered in water; water that I had previously failed to see due to the urgent nature of the EP procedure. And, as luck would have it, and to further complicate the situation, this particular bathroom has one of those new fancy hand dryers that you stick your hands into; as opposed to, of course, the dryer that might actually point down and help me dry my soaking wet ass.

So now, my friends, I can feel my ass pruning up as we speak. I guess the lesson learned in all this is that one should not be so blinded by the urgency to drop a deuce that one misses the splashing water underfoot upon arrival into the stall. I sure hope this isn’t an omen of things to come.

Some people are so fond of bad luck the run halfway to meet it.
–Douglass William Jerrold


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