God, that’s annoying

Posted: January 22, 2009 in Uncategorized

I will admit, I like to jump on bandwagons. I’m not one of those uber-cool people that like to think they are better than everyone else by not jumping on the bandwagon of something cool. Like, for example, people who say they don’t watch TV. “Oh, I don’t watch TV because I am just too deep for anything television offers.” You know what I have to say to that? Liar. You watch TV. You watch more TV than the rest of us. Just admit it so the rest of us can stop calling you a dildo behind your back.

Anyway, bandwagons. I jump on them all the time (except maybe the Spice Girls bandwagon). I like to connect with my friends and the rest of society and be part of the water cooler conversation. There is, however, a bandwagon that I have never jumped on (besides Spice Girls), never will jump on, and want to kill people that do jump on it. That bandwagon is the song ringtone.

Every time someone’s mobile phone (yes, it is a mobile phone, not a cell phone) rings and it plays a snippet of his or her favorite song, I die a little inside. First of all, ringing mobile phones are annoying as it is. Nobody wants to hear your baby daddy calling you to tell you that he can’t take your seed for the weekend because his stomach hurts (when in actuality he’s tappin‘ the chick running the register at Burger King). Phones come with a “vibrate” setting for a reason. Such audio annoyances become even more irritating when those around you have to hear “Shortie got low, low, low, low” repeat over and over when said baby daddy is blowing up your phone at 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon in the middle of the mall (and frankly I don’t give a shit how low she got).

These ringtones aren’t cute, they suck. Nobody gives a flying fuck what kind of music you like. Nobody gives a flying fuck that you feel it necessary to give every single person in your phonebook a different song. And certainly nobody gives a flying fuck that you figured out how to give a text, picture message, and phone call all different songs. I speak for just about everyone over the age of 25 when I say we hate you and we want to jam that phone so far up your ass that your small intestine starts bouncing to the beats of “Womanizer.” Unless you are under the age of 18 and still in high school and still learning how to take off a condom without making a royal mess, you have no business making the rest of us listen to Cowboy Troy rap about something that only white people understand.

Your phone comes with many less annoying (and free!) ringtones. How about you save a buck, and save our ears, and use those instead?

The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.
–Alexander Jablokov


  1. Anonymous says:

    While I find this blog entertaining, to say the least, I do have to comment on this. Personally, I enjoy the ringtones that people use, and yes, I am over the age of 25. I sit behind a desk all day long, in an office that is closley located to the lockers, where people hide their phone because they cannot carry them around while working. I hear many different ring tones throughout the day, and to be honest, the ones that annoy me the most are those damn pre-sets. I hate to hear the “scales, brought to you by AT&T, Sprint, T-Mobile” or whatever prepaid phone your murdering ass picked up at 7-11 on your way to work that morning. Give me something that will stick in my head that I can hum all day long, while I stare at my computer screen waiting on “Billy” who died and will eventually crawl from my drain to gouge my eyes out with a spork because I did not forward his life long message of hope to thousands of people.
    Give a girl a break, pal, sometimes you need to hear about how California Knows How to Party, while you are wasting away at work.
    Now if you are on a date or something, and suddenly you are announcing “I like big butts” over and over, yeah, use some decorum, but for the most part, ringtones are cool.

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