Checked Out

Posted: December 22, 2008 in Uncategorized

It would appear, ladies and gentlemen, that I am already gone for the holidays…checked out if you will. I work for one of the few companies that gives its employees the week after Christmas, through New Year’s, off. Because of this, I have found it difficult to focus on anything other than not being at work for 10 days.

Every year, like a child, I wonder what I am getting from Santa. As I have gotten older however, my interrogation skills have become more refined and more often than not I am able to guess what is going to be under my tree. This year though, I am utterly clueless. I know what I asked for, but of course, that doesn’t always mean I’m going to get it. Have I earned presents this year? Probably not. Do I deserve them? Fuckin’ a I do. Everyone deserves presents. Unless you are a serial killer; I don’t think they deserve much of anything.

I could get all cheesed out and talk about what I am thankful for this year, but that’s just too boring. What I am thankful for though is Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s hair (see above). Is this not a gem of a hairstyle? Writers and comedians everywhere must be thanking this dude for giving them material. As you can imagine, I am no exception.

I didn’t realize that the classic hair-helmet style was back in for 2008. If this guy’s hair was blonde, he would look like Johnny from The Karate Kid. Nevermind him trying to sell an Illinois Senate set, this guy should be impeached on his hairstyle alone. And what does this say about the people of Illinois. Are they all blind? Did they not see his hair-helmet while he was campaigning? Or, is the hair-helmet all the rage in Illinois? I don’t know anyone from Illinois otherwise I ask ’em. Further, what respectable hairstylist would let him get away with the hair-helmet? Even the people at SuperCuts should refuse to cut anyone’s hair that is requesting the helmet. If for nothing more than out of good taste. Of course, I guess he might be a bad tipper and this is his stylist’s passive aggressive way of making him look like a complete tool.

It baffles me that anyone in 2008 would elect someone to a public office with hair like that. Not to mention that the guy just looks like a weasel. Notice the weasely eyes. Also, notice his lip, which looks like it might be concealing little beaver teeth. If I met him on the campaign trail I’d be afraid that he might not just kiss my baby, but bite its face off as well. Or, at a minimum, try to gnaw my baby’s nose off.

The people of Illinois got what was coming to them in this regard. If you can’t judge a book by its cover, how in the hell are you supposed to judge anything?

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas.
–John Rox


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