High School Dropout

Posted: December 13, 2008 in Uncategorized

On this fine Saturday afternoon, I thought I would take a moment to rail against a fast food establishment, in this case, Wendy’s. Over the past five years, Wendy’s has really begun to decline in terms of quality of their food. I know, I know, it is fast food, but Wendy’s used to be tasty back in the day. In today’s climate, however, they suck donkey balls. You always get cold, unsaltened fries. You always get the ass-end of the lettuce. You always get onions when you ask for none. You know what you don’t get though? Ketchup.

Today, I acquired Wendy’s for two. Let me preface the rest of the story by telling you I am an admitted fast food junkie. Yes I know it is not good for me, but look into my eyes and tell me if I care. It’s delicious…but I digress. As a fast food junkie, I normally have a good supply of ketchup on hand. But, unfortunately, on this Saturday, I have run out. So as I made my fast food run to Wendy’s, for two, I asked for ketchup from the idiot hanging out the window. She obliged and I went about my merry way.

When I got home and pull out the burgers and fries, I discovered that tampon face only gave me three ketchups. Two Biggie fries, two burgers, and three fucking ketchups. Really? I mean….REALLY? Three fucking ketchups? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? After I calmed down from this travesty, I came to four possible conclusions…

#1–She was abused with ketchup as a child
#2–Her deduction skills are so suspect that she didn’t realize three ketchups wouldn’t be enough
#3–She has midget hands and that’s all she could fit in her hand
#4–All of the above

Needless to say, the fries didn’t get eaten. Of course, if I were still in London, I would’ve most likely eaten them with mayo just to fit in. As it happens though, I’m back in the Midwest and we don’t eat our fries with mayo. I’m sure my arteries appreciate dildo’s lack of ketchup disbursement.

We think fast food is equivalent to pornography, nutritionally speaking.
–Steve Elbert


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