Posted: November 7, 2008 in Uncategorized

Since my move to the Midwest a little over two years ago, I have become quite fond of the Winter. This year, as I mentioned previously, Winter has been slow to show her face. Today, however, she has busted down the door of fall and let everyone know that she’s here. Windy, cloudy, and cold, the day and subsquent weekend will be good for food, football, and lots of booze….sounds like my kind of weekend.

Days like today are also good for something else: hoodies. Not the zip-up, jacket-style hoodies mind you, but rather, the one piece, continuous pocket hoodies that make you look frumpy yet cozy. I must say that I love hoodies. I also love shoes but that is a story for a different day. Hoodies are not only comfortable, but functional. I cannot think of another piece of apparel that gives you the convenience of a fanny-pack, the pouch of a kangaroo, the hood of a Jedi, and the string of a tampon, all rolled into one.

The pouch of the hoodie is really what I like. I am one of those dudes that seems to have an endless amount of shit in my pockets. In fact, if society dictated that I could carry a purse, I probably would. As it stands, however, society says that a straight man cannot carry a purse, therefore I do not. During the summer I am stuck with sweaty legs due to all the crap in pockets. But during the winter, I am afforded an opportunity to carry even more stuff around (pack mule) and not get sweaty (balls) in the process.

Other than the cold, you may ask yourself why am I bringing this up? Good question; I like where your head is at. Well, friends, as I pulled into my place of employment this morning, I found that I was able to carry my iPod, my smokes, my lighter, my gum, my phone, my Burt’s Bees, three bottles of whiskey, two dead birds, and an uzi, all in my hoodie pouch. After squeezing all of those items in there, with room to spare, I came to the realization that I have a love affair with the hoodie. I also realized that perhaps I should move somewhere colder, maybe say Iceland, so I can wear hoodies year-round. Of course, if I did that, the hoody may lose its luster and then I’m just stuck freezing my nuts off.

Perhaps in the summer I can just cut the sleeves off one on my hoodies so I can still have my roo-pouch. Of course, then again, if I wanted to look like a douchebag, I could just get a fanny-pack.

I’m the illest motherfucker from here to Gardenia.
–Mike D.


  1. Molly Jane says:

    I would like you more if you carried a murse.P.S. I loooooove hoodies.

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