And that is why…

Posted: October 9, 2008 in Uncategorized

…they are criminals.

So yesterday, at some point in time during the day, I had some jackass decide he wanted to break into my house and rifle through my things. Guy must have been looking for jewelry or cash, of which there was none, because he didn’t take anything. Nothing. Zilch. Two laptops sitting out. Two digital cameras. An XBOX 360. Two stereos. Four TVs. And three beautiful pups. And yet, nothing was missing. My mailbox key was sitting in the middle of the floor, and a ton of drawers and cabinets were opened but nothing was taken. Strange….or stupid…or both.

If I may take the liberty to speak directly to the motherfucker that decided to enter my house uninvited yesterday…and since this is my blog, I think I can take the liberty to do whatever the fuck I please.

Hey you…yeah you…douchebag. How stupid are you that you take the time to break into someone’s house and don’t take anything of value? I’m sure on the GED exam that you most certainly took there is some sort of math problem on there that would have aided you in determining the value of electronic items. Oh wait, maybe you didn’t take that exam. Or maybe you were partially aborted at birth and your mildly-labotomized brain doesn’t think that quickly. In any case you obviously don’t have a job if you are out and about and in other people’s houses in the middle of the day. And there is probably a reason you can’t work a cash register at Wal-Mart, and hence have no job, and that reason is quite evidenced by the fact that you didn’t steal anything of value from me. Perhaps you were looking for cash. Or jewelry. Or drugs. Or Jesus. In any case, you found none of the above, dildo.

You did, however, take my peace of mind. You have taken my feeling of settledness in my nice new house, in my nice new neighborhood, away. Thanks for that fuckhead. Oh and you took my garage door opener, which, of course, does not work now. How about you man up and drop by my place when I’m there? That would probably be too much to ask. You aren’t a man. You are a pussy (I should’ve left some tampons out for you). And that, my friend, is why you are a criminal. Eat shit and die, cocksucker.

Whew…that felt good. Sorry for the swear words, but sometimes it is best to let it out, Tarantino style. For those of you that may be wondering, yes I did call the cops (nothing they can do) and yes I deprogrammed by garage remotes. My big dog has also been left to roam free from now on so maybe next time this fuckface will end up with a few battle scars.

Let the Lord judge the criminals.


  1. Molly Jane says:

    Suck City. Population – You. (Not that you suck. Just the situation.)

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