Unexplained Absence

Posted: October 8, 2008 in Uncategorized

I have been a bit AWOL as of late, and I have no real explanation. I have excuses apleanty, but alas these would only garner mild sympathy and most likely a firm roll of the eyes.

I have felt decidely unfunny these days. My previously discussed move has been completed and while I feel a bit more settled than I have in the past couple of days, I am still mired in a daily lack of solid sleep. Normally when I can’t sleep soundly I get sick. However, a week into my lack of z’s and still nothing. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop so I can get this over with and get back to my normal daily eight. As it stands though I am currently groggy, cranky, and ready to bitch about some things. Who knows, maybe it will spark something meaningful (but I suggest you do not hold your breath on that one).

Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot, plain and simple. Dan Quayle was brighter than her on her worst day. While I had no intenion of voting for John “I’m a Vietnam Vet so love me” McCain, I don’t think he did himself any favors with this twit. Sure she is nice to look at, what us guys call a MILF (about to be a GILF….and speaking of that, have you seen the boobs on her daughter? Good Lord. She should have her own zip code for those things). But nice looks aside, every time she opens her mouth I feel like I need to go take a crap. Who gives a holy fuck if you are a “hockey mom?” I swear to God if I have to hear that one more time I might throw myself into a pit of razor-laden jellyfish. How many hockey moms are there anyway? I would make a bold guess to say not that many. Soccer, football, and baseball moms probably all feel a little alienated by her constant allusion to that stupidly violent sport. Find something more worthwhile to speak about, and in the meantime, just shut up, let us look at you, and maybe show us your boobs.

With all this talk about Obama’s affiliation with Bill Ayers, I can’t help but think that his little leftist group from the 60s & 70s could have come up with a better name than “Weather Underground.” I was admittedly unfamiliar with the group, so I Googled it. I found out that members of the “Weather Underground” were called “Weathermen” and this was obtained from a line in a Bob Dylan song. Really? Seriously? Come on now…Bob Dylan song or not, it really sucks. Oooooohhhh scaaaaarrrrry Weathermen. Might as well have called yourself Tampons because that is a really pussy name. I’m so glad I didn’t live during that time. Idiots.

People, when you get on the highway, I have six words for you: hit the highway at highway speeds. Lollygagging your way into a 70 mph zone is not only dangerous, it is highly irritating. If you are nervous about getting on the highway, then don’t. Find a stay-at-home job or take public transportation.

Speaking of the highway, I think I’m going to start flicking pennies out of my window when people are riding on my ass. Dude, if I could move faster, I would. Trust me, I have too much pride and testosterone to let you pass me in your little Honda Civic. Seriously though, how awesome would that be? One minute you are trying to fit in my backseat going 85 mph and then next it’s hailing Lincolns. I suspect that could be construed as felonious behavior though, but even still, it’s a nice thought.

And finally, if you need a good chuckle today, I suggest you go here: http://www.thewebsiteisdown.com . You’ll need about 11 minutes and only a slight level of dorkiness.

What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.
–Kingpin

jbr

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Comments
  1. Molly Jane says:

    This might scare you, but I thought it funny … I saw a “Hockey Moms For Sarah Palin” bumper sticker when driving through Mission Hills a couple weeks ago. True story.

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