Old People

Posted: August 16, 2008 in Uncategorized

I guess maybe when you reach a certain age some people feel that it is okay to unleash a wave of nausea upon the general public. While I was partaking of a few alcoholic beverages last night at a local hotspot, I was subjected to something that made me throw up in the my mouth a little bit. Last night must have been Mom & Dad’s night out because this particular location, which is normally a meat market for the 20-30 somethings, was filled with folks in their fifties. Nobody sent me this memo so I was a bit perplexed but I just rolled with it.

Let me tell you that I have no problem mingling with men and women that are my parents age. Sure they are often going through a mid-life crisis, which becomes wholly evident while they are out on the town, but I will generally roll with that too. However, like all of us, I have my limits; my line in the sand if you will. Last night this line was breached. It wasn’t just breached actually, it was raped.

Unless you are Madonna, if you are a woman in your fifties, please do not dance in public, unless you are exclusively around other people your own age. We (the people your kid’s age) do not want to see it. We especially do not want to see it under the following circumstances:

  • You’ve been drinking
  • You are dancing with one of your girlfriends
  • You are dancing to a song that shouldn’t be danced to
  • You are squeezed into an outfit that wouldn’t fit over my thigh
  • You are ugly
  • You are a swinger
  • You can’t really dance
  • Your glasses tint over automatically when the light gets bright
  • Did I mention in public?

I promise you that NOBODY wants to see this. Ever. EVER! Spare us all the nausea and nightmares and keep it at your swinger’s club or in the confines of your own home. Great. I just threw up again. Thanks lady.

I think I’m gonna hurl!
–Garth Algar


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