Friday Fun

Posted: August 15, 2008 in Uncategorized

One of my little, um, quirks if you will, is my ability to make up words to existing songs. While I have absolutely no musical talent otherwise, I seem to be able to poach off other artist’s rhythm and syllabic construction in order to create an amusing parody. I would not say that I have the same skills as the legendary “Weird” Al Yankovic, but I firmly believe that I have at least some talent when it comes to writing a funny tune.

I was in the car yesterday and I happened across “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley. It had been a long time since I had been subjected to that musical abomindation. About halfway through the torture that is that awful, awful song, I had an epiphany. I must admit that my excitement was palpable. When I got home I sat down at my computer, playing this tune over and over and came up with some solid lyrics. Before you read on (Mom), you must be advised that the lyrics I have constructed are rather dirty, and taken from the point of view of Rick Astley being a homosexual (sidebar: I always thought he was gay, but Wikipedia says he is not. Go figure).

Pull the song up on Youtube…come back to this page, and sing along. I have entitled my version, “Never Gonna Lick Your Butt.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOU8GIRUd_g

We’re no strangers to butts
You’ve got a weiner, and so do I
A super blowjob’s what I’m thinkin’ of
I wouldn’t get this from any other guy

I just wanna make you suck my penis
Wanna make you pump your hand

Never gonna lick your butt
Never gonna make you frown
Never gonna lick your brown eye and hurt you
Never gonna lick your thigh
Never gonna make you wide
Never gonna pull it out and squirt you

We’ve had a hard on for so long
Your weiner’s aching
But you’re too shy to say it
Inside you we know that’s what’s going wrong
I’ll pull it out and you can play with it

And if you ask me ’bout my penis
I’ll tell you it is time to see

Never gonna lick your butt
Never gonna make you frown
Never gonna lick your brown eye and hurt you
Never gonna lick your thigh
Never gonna make you wide
Never gonna pull it out and squirt you


Lick your butt, lick your butt
Lick your butt, lick your butt
Never gonna lick
Never gonna lick, lick your butt
Never gonna lick
Never gonna lick, lick your butt


I just wanna make you suck my penis
Gonna make you pump your hand

Never gonna lick your butt
Never gonna make you frown
Never gonna lick your brown eye and hurt you
Never gonna lick your thigh
Never gonna make you wide
Never gonna pull it out and squirt you

Never gonna lick your butt
Never gonna make you frown
Never gonna lick your brown eye and hurt you
Never gonna lick your thigh
Never gonna make you wide
Never gonna pull it out and squirt you

Never gonna lick your butt
Never gonna make you frown
Never gonna lick your brown eye and hurt you
Never gonna lick your thigh
Never gonna make you wide
Never gonna pull it out and squirt you

Before you state the obvious, I am well aware that the preceding lyrics were insanely dirty and probably made no sense. But they fit the beat and made you giggle, and that’s the most important thing.

Parody is homage gone sour
–Brendan Gill

LongStar

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