The Sequel

Posted: June 30, 2008 in Uncategorized

My trip to the Northeast was well documented over the weekend, and in an effort to tie up all loose ends, the following the last part of my adventure…

I, like some of you, have flown quite a bit over my years. For the most part I have been lucky, save for the occasional irritation of the giant, fat, sweaty guy that smells like onions and Vick’s Vapor Rub sitting next to you on a cross country trip from Los Angeles. Friday evening, however, as I returned home from Boston, I encountered just about every…single…fucking…problem you can think of. Let us count the ways, shall we? Oh, and as a side note, I’m writing this on the plane in the middle of one the issues I am about to describe to you.

  • The ubiquitous delay—about 1.5 hours to be exact (which, in turn, lead to my five pints of Bass Ale/Sam Adams, as previously mentioned)
  • My bag was searched
  • I lost my matches
  • I packed my trusty iPod in my suitcase for some inexplicable reason, which meant I had no access to it during the three hour flight home.
  • I forgot a book
  • The old people in front of me brought something to eat that sounds like they are constantly popping bubble wrap
  • The person next to me obviously has cheap headphones because I can hear her music loud and clear (but she seems nice so it would be bad Karma to slam her much more).
  • I have an aisle seat instead of a window seat
  • When the pilot comes over the intercom he sounds like he just had a seizure and…talks…really…um…slow…and…um…I…um…think…maybe…um…he…might…um…have…been…um…getting…um…a…blow…job….(and of course he feels the need to narrate a night flight while some of his passengers are trying to sleep through this crappy experience).
  • And of course, to top it all off, we are in the middle of thunderstorms, which is causing us to be routed around the city and thus delaying our landing even further not to mention adding a whole “Magic Mountain” effect to the flight. I should’ve worn a diaper.
  • I will mention though that the aforementioned thunderstorms look absolutely spectacular from whatever altitude we are at and seeing them from this angle is a first for me (but I wish I had a window seat, note to travel agent next time).

Next time, I’m taking the train.

The plane! The plane!



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