Observationally Random

Posted: February 3, 2008 in Uncategorized

Many of us, over the years, and even decades, that we are on this planet formulate many observations about the world around us. My observations tend to range from the minutely normal, to the obscenely strange. Nobody cares about normal observations, so I figured what a better time than to break off a little observational obsceness.

  • Who the hell uses scented toilet paper? Does anybody out there feel the need for their butt, or their cooch (yeah, I said it) to smell like your deceased grandmother’s perfume?
  • While we are on paper products, who thought putting Vick’s in Kleenex (or is it Puff’s?) was a good idea? Have you ever blown your nose enough that it is raw? Let me tell you, those abomination of tissues make you feel like you have put a ligther on your nose. And don’t even think about sticking a little bit of that gem in your nose to stop the runniness. Strike that…try it, I triple dog dare you.
  • I wonder if Beggin’ Strips really taste like bacon. I’ll try it and report back.
  • Do you think cheetahs are self conscious about their spots?
  • What would ever possess a person to grow her toenails out until they look like you have taped Twizzler’s to the end of her toes?
  • Not necessarily an observation, but here is something fun to try: Collect some of your pet hair before you go to work, or out for a night on the town. Put a little bit in a bag and stash it away safely. When you go to the restroom, after you are done, spread the hair all over the toilet. Wait until someone comes into the bathroom to use the same toilet and see how they react.
  • Do you think a person grows up thinking, “I want to be a pornstar”?
  • How is that millions of people die each year, but yet, we still don’t really know what happens after we die? It is one of the most common events experienced by humans, but it is the only one that remains unanswered.
  • Hillary Clinton really needs a new do.
  • If a building were to get hit by greased lighting, would the fire spread quicker than regular lighting?
  • Cajuns.

So as a side note…I began writing this prior to the Super Bowl, and prior to me becoming a beer soaked bratwurst by the end of the game. As discretion is the better part of valor, I decided it would be best that I sober up a bit before wrapping this up. I think it is funny that, for those of us that are into beer and football, much like the game itself, our drinking culminates into one last frenzy of intoxication.

I’m glad the Super Bowl is only once a year. I am getting to old for this.

Shit…you shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.

–Harvey Keitel



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