Walmartin’ in the USA, Part II

Posted: February 2, 2008 in Uncategorized

I got so overwhelmed with my post yesterday, and my fond memories of B-ville, I found I couldn’t continue any longer. As you can imagine, there is not much to do in B-ville, so my stories are limited, but I would like to discuss the hotel ever so briefly.

It was an incredibly odd set up. I appreciated the fact that you got to the rooms from the inside due to the nipple-piercing cold, but all of the windows to the rooms faced to the inside of the hotel. TO THE INSIDE! Open your curtains, and POOF, other people. It overlooked what amounted to an indoor, carpeted courtyard. It was most pleasant to watch people eat, but it would’ve been more fitting to open the curtains and see some sort of joust, or perhaps a fight to the death between two midgets.

I was wholly unsure about whether or not the gathering of people below could see in the windows, or if it was like an interrogation room and only I could observe them. This led me to think of an experiment, and being as quick on my feet as I am, I swiftly came up with an test that would let me know whether or not the people in the “courtyard” could see me, or if I would have to find another hotel to stay in.

I opened my curtains all the way…you know, those drab brown curtains that a the light of a nuclear explosion couldn’t penetrate. I stood for a minute and observed my peons below. As I panned my eyes around, it didn’t appear as though anyone could see me, or at the very least, nobody had noticed yours truly standing in the window. I thought, well, that’s a good sign…let the experimenting begin. So with that, I pulled out Mr. Weiner T. Johnson and made that finger- on-glass sound.


Hmph. Well, then I fogged up the glass (which took a good two minutes mind you) and wrote my name in the condensated glass (backwards even) with Mr. Johnson.

Still nothin’. No looks. No screams. No pointing. No fainting. Bummer.

As you can imagine, I was most disappointed, but admittedly I was a bit relieved as well. By this time it was late, and just being in the cultural Mecca of the Universe had drained me of energy. Next time, I should drink a Red Bull first. Live and learn.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
–Lloyd Bridges


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