Hey Hey We’re the Monkeys

Posted: January 27, 2008 in Uncategorized

…first let me say that I understand I did not spell Monkeys like Monkees. I just thought it sounded like a catchy title for this post. Moreover, this post has nothing to do with THE Monkees, so let’s just get that out of the way right now.

A lot of times, people ask you, “If you could be any animal, what kind of animal would you be?” It seems to be a fair enough question, and it is a question that has no right or wrong answer. I pose this question to myself quite often, depending on my mood.

This morning I decided to climb a tree. I woke up and thought that it might be a good day to break a bone, and what better way to make that happen than to climb a tree. I was never much of a climber as a child, and as you can imagine, my experience with such things is pretty limited. Also considering that I am quite removed from my childhood, it seems as though it could be a recipe for disaster (I really just want a cast so people can sign it and write crude remarks). I am happy to say (or disappointed?) that I came out of this adventure relatively unscathed, with the exception of this stream of thought.

I posed the aforementioned question to myself and I initially decided I would like to be a monkey, if I were given the opportunity to be another animal. It sounded good on paper, and since I was climbing the tree, it only seemed appropriate. As I got to the branch closest to the power lines (more temptation of fate), it dawned on me that being a monkey may not be all it is cracked up to be, and here is why:

Now, I like poop as much as the next guy. It’s a funny subject for me, and goodness knows how it ruins a person if you get stopped up like a 30 year old bottle of Cabernet. My fondness for the subject aside, I do not think I would be down with the whole poop-flinging activities that monkeys tend to engage in. It sounds fun sure, but really, what would your family think? And I would hypothesize that if you started flinging poop around, you might suffer some consequences…such as being thrown out of a movie theater, or even having poop flung back at you. Doesn’t seem so swell when you break it down like that.

After I rose above the sadness that engulfed me upon this revelation, I came to the conclusion that I will no longer answer that question when asked, simply because it would cause me pain to think I could never truly live the monkey lifestyle.

Excuse me while I whip this out
Cleavon Little


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